The ILS - a Carers Perspective

I had been looking after Mum for 18 months since she developed vascular dementia. I had arranged for a friend and a cousin to care for her during the day until I finished work and then I would go and stay with her until 7.30 pm, prepare food and settle her for the night. She was then on her own until 8.00 am.

She had some falls, nothing major, in that nothing was broken, but each time her confidence was knocked and I worried about her.  I visited Mum twice a day weekends which was manageable until May 2010 when Mum fell against a radiator sustaining a third degree burn. After a two-week stay in hospital, where her health started to deteriorate, I realised that she needed to be home in familiar surroundings and brought her back to live with us, until her health improved.

I soon realised she was not going to be able to be left alone again. Apart from four mornings a week when I was at work and others cared for Mum, I cared for her. My husband was incredibly supportive but it put a strain on our relationship, as Mum’s needs took priority.

My life changed considerably. I could no longer make arrangements with friends or go away with my husband. Caring for an elderly relative is draining. With the best intention in the world, you can find yourself becoming irritable and end up resenting the person you are caring for. If it is a parent, you end up hating yourself every time you snap or become impatient. You go through a whole range of emotions, which saps your energy and leaves you exhausted, particularly if your sleep is disturbed.

This continued until November 2010 when, sadly, Mum’s main carer became ill and died.  In January 2011 I was introduced to Services for Independent Living’s Home Support Agency who talked to me about Mum’s needs, got to know her personality and found out what was important to her. They organised a team of Support Workers to support her from Sunday to Wednesday, in her own home, while I worked.

This has made a huge difference to my life. I no longer feel alone with a burden of responsibility for Mum’s care and support. My husband and I can have some quality time together and I can concentrate on work, knowing that Mum is in good hands.

I have got to know the support workers as individuals and found them to be trustworthy, competent, and patient. They communicate well with me and go the extra mile, keeping the house tidy and Mum happy. Most important of all, they support Mum’s continued quality of life at home, keeping her out of a nursing home. My time with Mum can be quality time. I can be more even-tempered and tolerant, knowing that I have these three days to my husband and myself, while Mum is in her own home and being cared for.

I cannot thank them enough for all the support they have given me and would not hesitate to recommend their services to anyone who is struggling to care for an elderly dependant.